Are You Listening to Your Body? It’s Trying to Tell You Something.

I have previously talked about uncovering your values—what really matters to you—as a way to spark personal growth. But here’s the thing I see all the time in my therapy work: people come in overwhelmed with anxiety, frustration, or resentment, especially in their relationships. And when we dig deeper, they realize they’ve lost touch with who they are.

Through the whirlwind of marriage, raising kids, managing careers, grieving losses, and navigating new chapters like empty nests, we often leave ourselves behind. We keep moving—checking boxes, showing up, doing the next thing—until suddenly, our bodies sound the alarm. Anxiety. Irritability. Exhaustion. But we don’t always speak the language of our bodies, so we dismiss the warning signs as something else.

We say we know how to listen to our bodies when it comes to fitness. We rest after a hard workout, stretch when we’re sore. But when it comes to emotional well-being? We rarely stop to notice the tension in our shoulders, the pit in our stomachs, or the racing heartbeat that shows up when we’re not even sure why.

Here’s the truth: your body is always talking to you. The real question is—are you listening?

There’s even a whole book about this called The Body Keeps the Score. But most of us were never taught how to tune in. Instead, we reduce our emotional vocabulary to three basics: happy, sad, and mad. And even then, it’s all surface-level. What does happy actually feel like in your body? Can you tell the difference between sadness and loneliness? Between guilt and shame?

One of the most powerful tools for self-awareness is pausing and noticing what your body is doing in the moment an emotion rises. I learned this the hard way in my first marriage. I didn’t know it at the time, but my body was practically screaming. I had constant mood swings, sleepless nights, and a lingering sense of disappointment. I didn’t feel safe, settled, or secure. I just kept pushing through, thinking maybe things would change. Six years passed before I finally understood: I had abandoned myself.

And it doesn’t always show up in the big moments. Sometimes, it’s in the tiniest cracks of everyday life.

Take parenting. I’ve noticed I tend to yell when I’m overwhelmed. Like when my daughter, full of energy, asks me to play outside the minute I pick her up from school. I’ve just finished work, I haven’t even made it home to pee, and the sun is blazing. And I snap. I yell something like, “Can you just wait until we get home?!”

But one day, I got curious. It wasn’t just the guilt of yelling—it was the guilt of not wanting to play outside. I thought, What kind of parent doesn’t jump at the chance to be outside with their kid? I felt awful. But beneath that guilt was something even deeper: I was depleted. I just wanted to sit down, unplug, and scroll through TikTok. And that awareness helped me shift. Not to suddenly become the "perfect" mom, but to give myself grace. To know I can say, “I need 15 minutes,” and still be a good parent.

Our emotions aren’t just about reacting to others. They’re signposts. They tell us when something’s off—whether it’s in a job, a friendship, or a relationship. They whisper, and sometimes scream, This isn’t working.

That doesn’t mean a bad night of sleep means it’s time to leave your partner or quit your job. But it might be a nudge to pause and ask: Is something here not aligned with who I am anymore?

So how do we start decoding the messages our bodies send?

Get curious. Notice the difference between nervousness and excitement—they feel similar in the body but mean different things. When anger comes up, ask yourself what’s underneath. Anger is often a mask for deeper emotions like fear, grief, shame, or loneliness.

In therapy, I’ll often say, “Scan your body from head to toe—where do you feel that emotion?” And people struggle with this at first. We’re not used to connecting our thoughts to our physical sensations. But once we learn to identify what we’re feeling and where, we start to understand what those feelings are trying to tell us.

That’s where healing begins.