When Growth Feels Like Getting Lost
By Toni Gorn, LCSW – Toni Gorn Therapy
We often think of growth as something linear—one step after another, onward and upward. But real growth? It’s messy, unpredictable, and often disguised as confusion, discomfort, or even loss. In my work as a therapist (and in my life), I’ve found that the moments where we feel most lost are often the beginning of profound transformation. Here’s a piece of my story and an invitation to reflect on yours.
We Never Stop Growing
I like to think that as people, we never stop growing. Not in the physical sense—but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, there is always space for expansion. We evolve. Sometimes, that change feels sudden. You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and see a stranger staring back.
That happened to me.
I woke up one day and realized I was married—but not in love. I had taken the next step in the relationship because it made sense at the time. On paper, we had a good marriage. From the outside, there was no “reason” to feel unhappy. But I was. So I did what many people do when they don’t have the words or courage to face that truth—I self-sabotaged. I created a reason to leave. It was messy. It was painful. I questioned myself constantly.
But I’ll never forget the night I lay alone in my own apartment for the very first time. It was quiet. It was raw. And it was empowering.
Fast forward a few years—a new relationship, a new marriage, two kids, and a master’s degree later—and I found myself waking up exhausted every day. I loved my children deeply, and yet, I just wanted to be left alone. I loved my husband, but if he had a bad day, mine was ruined too. I was buried beneath roles: mom, wife, student, therapist.
So, I took a day off. Something I now often recommend to my clients. For me, it looked like booking a hotel by the beach, lying in the sun, listening to a good book, and not being anyone but myself. No responsibilities. No caretaking. Just being.
I share these stories not because they’re exceptional, but because I believe they’re common—and too often kept quiet. There’s still a stigma around saying “I’m unhappy,” especially for parents and partners. But I believe those moments of feeling lost are really just a signal—a flashing light—that a new, more aligned version of you is ready to be found.
One of the first things I ask my clients—and asked of myself—is:
What are your values?
I use Brené Brown’s Lantern exercise. Imagine you’re walking through a dark forest. If your lantern—your core values—is far away, you can’t see clearly. But when your values are close, the path lights up.
For me, the brightest light is authenticity. I have to be fully, unapologetically me. That means showing up real, even if that includes swearing or laughing too loud or admitting I don’t have it all together. And it means holding space for you to show up fully as you—messy, unsure, evolving.
Your values are a compass. They will change over time, and that’s okay. Growth doesn’t mean having it all figured out. Sometimes, it just means honoring the truth that something no longer fits—and that something better is waiting.
✨ If you’re feeling lost, stuck, or disconnected from the version of yourself you once knew—you're not broken. You're growing.
At Toni Gorn Therapy, I help people reconnect with their authentic selves by digging through the hard stuff—trauma, transitions, relationships, burnout—and coming out stronger. You don’t have to do it alone.
📩 Let’s talk. Reach out today to schedule a consultation. Your next chapter is waiting. (727)201-2984 or tonigorntherapy@gmail.com
